Jokes ....... May 2000

Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, "You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers."
The man thought for a moment. "What are peers?" he asked.
"They're people just like you-your equals."
"Forget it," retorted the defendant. "I don't want to be tried by a bunch of thieves."

Patient: "This hospital is no good. They treat us like dogs."
Orderly: "Mr. Jones, you know that's not true. Now roll over."

"The president has kept all of the promises he intended to keep."
-Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live.

"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people that make them unsafe."
-Former Philadelphia Mayor and Police Chief Frank Rizzo

The photographer had been trying for hours to get some action shots of a bear that preferred to sleep in its cage. "What kind of bear is that?" he finally asked the zoo keeper.
"Himalayan," was the reply.
"I know that," snarled the photographer. "What I want to know is when him a gettin' up?"

Q. How many car salesmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A. I'm just going to work this out on my calculator, and I think you're going to be pleasantly surprised.

This page last updated 6 September 2000