A visitor to Glacier National Park in Montana lost his car keys while attempting to lure a ground squirrel by dangling the keys out in front of the critter. The squirrel grabbed the keys and ran down a hole with them. The keys were never retrieved. A ranger cited the man for harassment of wildlife, and a locksmith was called to make new car keys.

Overheard at the track: "Horse racing is very romantic. The horse hugs the rail, the jockey puts his arms around the horse, and you kiss your money good-bye."

Definition of a bachelor pad: All the house plants are dead, but there's something growing in the refrigerator.

A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate: "I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports, and enjoys group activities."

Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin."

"Movie cowboys mystify me," says Bob Hope. "How can they jump off a porch roof and onto a horse, and still sing in a normal voice?"

Bill and George were always competing against each other. After one argument over who was better at folding and packing parachutes, they went skydiving to settle the dispute. Bill jumped first, pulled the cord, and began to float gently to earth. Then George jumped and pulled his cord, but nothing happened. Next he yanked on the safety cord, but that didn't work either. In a matter of seconds, George, falling like a rock, flew past Bill. "So," Bill shouted, ripping off his harness, "you want to race!"