"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you." - Rita Mae Brown

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." - Johnny Carson

"If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you see okay?" - John Mendoza

"I don't kill flies, but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'" - Bruce Baum

Questions that make you think:
If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon to the pan?
What's another word for thesaurus?
What do they use to ship styrofoam?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream containers?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns becuase they taste funny?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
If a book about failure doesn't sell, is it a success?

"Reader, suppose you were an idiot . . . and suppose you were a member of Congress, but I repeat myself." - Mark Twain

"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population." - David Letterman